Photo by Diana

Black/fuchsia fur felt fedora by Guy HERE, estate sale black wool sweater with large covered buttons, estate sale vintage fuchsia gloves and silver jewelry on black background.

The sorting of Nelson’s belongings is complete, and The SC decided that inviting a few friends over during the weekend to choose items in his honor would be more meaningful and personal than donating.  At least as a first step. What happened in the process was memorable, as each person selected a prize from the many items that were displayed. Everything except the special pieces that Camille and The SC had tenderly chosen for safe keeping. The dining room was filled with clothing, hats, shoes and a limited amount of books. The hats were the most popular item; someone proposed the idea of a ‘Nelson Hat Party’ where all could gather wearing hats that he had sported over the years.  There were two sizes available; one category from his afro days and another from the times of short hair or shaved head. This allowed for almost everyone to explore the joy of hats from a precious collection.  The SC found herself unready to let go of several items as they came close to walking out the front door.

I felt engaged and appreciated the laughter and stories from the past along with expressions of personal grief.  However, after the departure of the last guest I was overwhelmed with a new sense of loss as though pieces of myself had left, even though in the hands or on the head of a dear friend.  A personal excavation.  I also felt pleasure to know that each item would have a new life  and I could admire Nelson’s hats on familiar heads in the future.  And as I donate the remaining items to an organization that advocates for the chronically mentally ill, a vulnerable population that was dear to us during our life together, a deep sadness lingers.  But I am also trusting that the the heart knows when to ‘let go.’ Another element of this long and seemingly endless process has been completed.

I made the decision to reread Joan Didion’s  ’The Year of Magical Thinking.’  I needed to remind myself that grieving takes time.  Shouldn’t I be closer to a sense of healing and a new definition of self?  I have become impatient with feelings of vulnerability, the inability to focus and make a decision with confidence, the cognitive disruption.  As I opened the book seven months after the first reading,  I noticed that the author began writing her story nine months after her husband’s death.  I am at the same point in my transformation. What she had to say provided reassurance and comfort, putting turmoil into perspective.   She spoke directly to my every fear.  As time goes by, and I become more awake, the realization of what I’ve lost becomes increasingly stark but remains evasive, unclear, unfinished, ever changing.  I have no idea what tomorrow will bring, although I know it will provide hope in the form of an outfit adorned with a hat.

Photos by Diana

The SC is out the door, into the snow, and off to do errands in a vintage faux fur coat with belt with ‘Made In England’ label purchased at Buffalo Exchange, estate sale vintage rust leather gloves and vintage gold costume jewelry,  NYC street vendor hat and scarf, lululemon leggings and another day spent in the Michael Kors boots.  The front door is a favorite feature of my home, a Denver Square HERE which was built in 1907.  We had it refinished by a master craftsman about 20 years ago so that its hand carved radiant beauty could be fully exposed. This work of art greets The SC and all who enter with the reminder that old and antique is interesting, unique and has its own splendor.

This photo was taken in 1979 shortly after Nelson and The SC began living together.  We were married in 1980; our marriage would have been illegal in Colorado before 1957.  I was wearing a 1940′s dress (manufactured before the 1957 timeline) that he gave me and he was wearing a vintage scarf that I gave him.  Perfect for the dance floor!  Giving each other gifts throughout the decades was one of life’s true pleasures. The MLK Holiday went into effect in 1986, so this image preceded the years that we spent on this day honoring the civil rights activist who was responsible for countless changes that affected the global community and our personal lives.  Nelson grew up in a segregated school system until he entered high school and had many stories to tell.  We would celebrate this holiday in quiet reflection, usually listening to MLK speeches on the radio and reading, after going out for a late breakfast.  How fortunate am I to have deeply rich memories of this holiday that had personal meaning and significance.

A few of the hundreds of books that have permanent residence in our family library.

Photos by Diana

The SC was inspired by Alyson of That’s Not My Age HERE to participate in her ‘call out’ for photos of dresses with sleeves. This estate sale vintage Diane Von Furstenberg black/white geometric patterned cotton/rayon maxi dress is one of my favorites in this category.  I topped off the dress with an Amy Downs black/white felt hat, vintage black velvet gloves and vintage black/white geometric patterned ceramic earrings and grounded the outfit with Michael Kors black heeled boots that were purchased at a department store winter sale years ago.

Putting this ensemble together was my reward for having completed the task of going through all of Nelson’s clothing, hats and shoes. Everything. Hundreds of decisions were made about what to keep, what to give away to friends and what to donate.  It has been an overwhelming and emotional undertaking, but I was fortunate to have help from Camille.  It has been almost nine months since his death and suddenly I knew that I needed to immerse myself in the flood of feelings that came with lovingly touching every item that he had worn or collected over the years.  It was another step in the acceptance of the reality that he is gone forever.  Forever.

Many ‘grief bursts’ later, I am now ready to go through his extensive collection of books.  He was very cerebral and I have countless memories of discussions about history, race, class, feminism, politics, music, health and every topic imaginable after we read in succession many of the books that cover the shelves and surfaces of his office.  We had the same values and loved to look beneath the uppermost layer of an issue.  Digging into the core.  Dissecting the dynamics.  Discovering possibilities.  Sweeping out the corners.  The recollections of our conversations remain dear to my heart and it is that connection that will be the most difficult to reconcile.

Thank you Jean for requesting a close-up of the above estate sale vintage jewelry worn on the previous post.

Every Body Every Wear

Photos by Kathleen

It has become clear to The SC that the focus of 2012 will be health.  Health in all areas – physical, mental, emotional, spiritual.  If I’m not healthy how can I possibly see the world by hat shop and milliner?  I’ve decided that if I maintain this focus, everything else will fall into place.  So here I am, back at acupuncture, a healing modality that has contributed to my sense of harmony and balance for years.  Even in the most difficult of times.  The ensemble for this event, upon a black background, is a gifted vintage red wool jacket with houndstooth trim (reversible), Ella houndstooth fabric pillbox, and vintage long black gloves and jewelry.  What could be better for health than an outfit that lifts my spirits and takes me out into the ever changing world.

And that doesn’t mean that I won’t have a glass of wine!

Thanks to the beautiful and talented Sheila of Ephemera for including Style Crone in her Major Awards for 2011.

Photos by Camille

The SC made the decision on New Year’s Eve Day that 2011 would not go gownless.  I have a passionate love for gowns; I feel enveloped, protected and held in space by folds of fabric and the structure of design.  I am of the opinion that gowns should not be limited to formal occasions, especially as there are so few of these events in my life and my vintage inventory lies in waiting.  I seldom let a year go by without the expression that a gown provides and the year of Nelson’s death was to be no exception. So yesterday I threw on this beloved vintage silver gown with ‘bow pattern’ accessorized by everything vintage and attended three consecutive gatherings held by friends in the celebration of the New Year.  I have found planned structure to be as important as the lack of it.  Frivolity with friends balanced by stillness and the company of memories (some of them involving gowns of all shapes and forms).  I thank my friends for the invitations and understanding when my process does not allow me to be present.

The SC approaches 2012 with hope and a desire for the evolution of peace and positive intention. Thank you to all readers and commenters for your kind, thoughtful, comforting, supportive words and elegant expressions.  I have appreciated and have been touched by your generosity.  And wish all the best possible ‘gown energy’ for you in the New Year!

Happy Holidays from The Style Crone!  The red vintage wool coat with faux Persian Lamb collar and the black vintage hat with rhinestone trim were encouraging participants in seasonal festivities.

Photos by Kelly

I have found this holiday season to be a balancing act!

Photos by Daniel N, December 2010

Last year at this time I was putting together a Style Crone Holiday Hat Review, so why not roll out the tip of the holiday hat iceberg?   Somehow it seems like many years have past; when these photos were taken I was in the comfort of Nelson’s physical presence.  However, we were entering new territory.  I could continue to gaze into the familiar bottomless pools of his compassionate and kind dark brown eyes fringed with eyelashes that had been thinned by years of chemo and although the escalating and frightening physical changes related to the disease and treatment that were ravaging his body screamed ‘danger,’ everything about him remained beautiful in my eyes. It now becomes my task, as it does for many,  to release the trauma related to ‘living with crisis’ from my cells.  Today he is in my heart, but his absence during this cold and dark season is especially stark.

Music was always a major part of our lives, and the holidays were no exception.  One of Nelson’s favorites was ‘Merry Christmas Baby’ by Charles Brown, a blues singer who we saw live in an intimate venue before he died in 1999 at the age of 77.  Today as I listen to this song with new awareness and in the spirit of honoring the belief systems of all,  I am flooded with memories that will remain with me forever, when the days are short, bleak, bitter and the snow falls outside my door leaving a carpet of beauty, waiting for the light to return as the Winter Solstice slowly approaches to mark the end of the shortening of days.

Merry Christmas, Baby  Click to listen to Charles Brown.

Photos by Daniel N

The SC’s holiday season nail polish choice, Chanel’s Vamp, inspired an outfit composed of a vintage burgundy silk velvet top with rhinestone closures (a holiday gift from Nelson in the 80′s) and vintage burgundy silk velvet hat with rhinestone trim, a vintage black velvet maxi skirt, vintage black velvet gloves, and a black velvet cape with burgundy satin lining and a transparent floral pattern that reveals itself when exposed to light.  Could that be a metaphor for life?

I view the color of my nails as an accessory, so it was a playful diversion to create a look that represents the opposite of what I currently feel and give credence to the concept that inspiration can come from anywhere at anytime.  A visual paradox, a self contradiction, a few hours of velvet, rhinestones, and satin.

I am fortunate to have friends who appreciate all positive forms of self expression. A casual dinner party provides the opportunity to wear sumptuous velvet and satin, and feel accepted and embraced in the process.  To be free of judgement for my choices is a paradise worth celebrating with rhinestones.  It allows me to explore my inventory without fear, and to wear any look that I envision.  ’Where would I wear this outfit?’ is never a question as I meditate on ensemble possibilities.  For this holiday season I am grateful for the gift of ‘outfit freedom’ and the support of my fun loving, creative, talented friends.

Check out the lovely Patti of Not Dead Yet Style and her Visible Monday series.  I found that I continue to have the ability to follow directions and learn something new!

Photos by Camille

This past weekend presented the first snowstorm of the season.  We’ve had brief bouts of snow over the past few months, but this was the real thing.  Mounds of snow in the garden with soft white blankets stretching as far as the eye can see in an inner city neighborhood.  I don’t have huge amounts of sidewalk to uncover, but another ‘first’ for me, as Nelson was the shovel master.  The SC began the task Saturday morning as snow continued to fall in gentle layers, creating a picturesque winter landscape.  I was feeling a bit ‘snowed under’ as ‘first’s’ trigger memories and along with them an unwelcome lens of insecurity, a veil that clouds my vision as I take on another role in the now absent division of labor.  As I began slowly and methodically moving the snow I noticed that the shovel handle was red.  Suddenly I saw it as an accessory and my mind traveled to my coat inventory for the perfect outerwear to accomplish this mission with more enthusiasm than my current sad, forlorn state.  The vintage red wool maxi coat with hood and black velvet trim (previously worn HERE) nudged its way into my consciousness, and it turned out to be the ideal match.  Who cares if I defiantly shovel the snow in a long red coat, with only myself to entertain (along with Camille who generously took photos). Could this be another example of special effects? I managed to feel a sense of empowerment with the realization that I could get past the first winter storm with the assistance of an outfit and a shovel with a bright red handle.