Sometimes the anniversary of Nelson’s death sneaks up on me. It will be eight years on Saturday, April 20th, which is two days from the date of this post.  Without thinking about the anniversary, several weeks ago I made arrangements to spend this coming weekend in Boulder, which is a city less than an hour away from my home in Denver.

As I’ve mentioned before on Style Crone, I’m developing a workshop for widows on “Loss and Reinvention.”  I’ve been unable to focus on moving forward on the workshop, completing only about a quarter of my presentation.  I’ve been so busy with what’s happening day-to-day, and frustrating myself in the process.

So I decided to go on a self-retreat and spend an entire weekend working on the widows’ project.  It was my solution to feeling stuck and leaving my usual routine behind felt key.

How it evolved is that I will be focusing on the workshop on the day of the anniversary of Nelson’s death.  I have some ambivalence about this, but trust that it’s not a coincidence. Maybe it was what I needed to move through the barrier and resistance to completing this piece of work which has been in my thoughts for years.

Perhaps my emotions will be of assistance in organizing my story in a form that will communicate my intention to facilitate the grief and transformation of others.  Of that I feel hopeful and sad simultaneously.  Grief doesn’t go away.  It just changes and lives below my level of awareness, allowing me to create a life that brings me happiness and meaning.  I have come to know that it will always be with me.  And I accept and embrace this mysterious reality.

Photos By Daniel

For those of you who have known me since the beginning of my life as Style Crone, I appreciate and thank you.  Who knew that I would continue to be out here on the blogosphere for over eight years.  Nelson gifted me this journey, and I don’t take that lightly.  There’s more I need to learn, and Style Crone has been and continues to be my teacher.  Along with all of you who follow and support my efforts.  I thank you from the bottom of my Style Crone heart.

16 Comments

  1. You are a light Judith for the act of living, not only the survival of grief and gift of transformation. There are so many forms of ‘death’ (though none more challenging than losing our dearest held on earth) as life tosses change and challenge, but transformation is the key. Thank you for the gift of knowing you.

  2. WHAT A BEAUTIFUL IDEA YOU HAVE GOING ON!
    This could be cloned into EMPTY NESTERS TOO………..Mothers who are spinning as their LIFE has changed drastically!I recently had an IDEA…………
    I think there should be a VOQUE MAGAZINE for MATURE WOMEN!
    HAS THAT BEEN DONE STYLE CRONE?MAYBE I’m out of THE LOOP…………….but I think that is a GREAT IDEA if I do say so myself and YOUR IDEA is PRICELESS!
    GO WORK ON IT………….take breaks through out the weekend to remember your BELOVED.
    I do not have to tell YOU your outfit is STUNNING!I do not know HOW YOU WALK in THOSE SHOES but they are GORGEOUS!Leave it to YOU to find the perfect SHOE!
    YOU ARE LOOKING FANTASTIC and HUBBY HAS HIS EYE ON YOU!
    XX

  3. I’m sure Nelson looks on with pride. This outfit is so fabulous, fun and flirty and sophisticated. I think it’s one of my favorites. I’m sure it wasn’t been easy to get out of bed and find enough of yourself to be able to walk forward in the immediate aftermath. Not only to walk forward, but eventually to have the strength and courage to manage to look amazingly good doing it. Keep on keeping on! Hugs and hearts on your difficult day.

  4. Ah, Judith, what a journey…your kindness and thoughtfulness have spread out into the universe and the sharing of the grief process, which has included the curation of this exciting new life, bring inspiration and comfort to the rest of us.

    Bravo for sharing the journey and for staying true to your own core and showing us how to leap into life! Thank you, keep going, deeper, and deeper, for it is a process…love, C.

  5. Sending much love to a fellow traveler through the “mysterious reality.” Wonderful post, beautiful you!

  6. It has been so amazing to see your journey. I came to know you online 8 years ago and I’m still touched by every post you write.
    Today I was again stunned by the beautiful imagery. Kudos to both you and Daniel on this achievement as well.
    I think it’s a great idea to break away from the day-to-day a bit and I have no doubt that your workshop will be nothing less than spectacular. Your ability to talk about grief in such an eloquent way has always blown me away. The journey you have taken yourself to overcome it, even if it never really goes away, will be an inspiration for others too.

  7. I have been following you from the start of this journey, Dear Judith, and have been sharing the path along with you. It has helped me tremendously, in my own experience of facing widowhood. Many lessons of hope, survival and renewal have come my way, and your blog has been an anchor, when I might find myself wavering and vacillating. You are so right; the stunned feeling of loss really never leaves, it simply takes up residence in one’s consciousness and constructs it’s appropriate place, accompanying us as we move forward.
    I applaud your growth and your willingness to create a healing place for others, and will remain on your list of followers, as long as you are out here being Beautiful, Dynamic and Inspiring.

  8. Dear Judith, What a journey you have traveled! I admire how you weave the loss of your beloved Nelson into the fabric of your present life! Our journey together spans most of our lifetimes and includes many detours in the myriad of pathways we have traveled. Our teenage selves could never fathom the roads we were going to take! One experience builds on another, so even though we can hardly bear our times of loss and pain, they are vital to our journey. Yes, you carry Nelson in the fabric of your being, and his genes are replicated in your daughter and your dear grandchildren. Treasure your memories as you stride forward on new paths!

    Love, Janet

  9. I have been following your blog since 2012 and know if your struggles although not from right when the grief was at its worst.
    Lovely workshop idea. Looking spiffy as usual.
    Greetje

  10. You have an amazing ability to transform difficult feelings into words Judith. Your idea of sharing your journey and helping others currently experiencing the tragedy of grief is so powerful.

    Hugs to you.

    Suzanne

  11. I’ve been with you from the start too, and it’s been fascinating to watch your blog-journey over the last 9 years. The blog really has been a gift to you from Nelson, and I think he would be delighted, but not surprised at where it has lead you. This outfit is a mix of elegance with a touch of whimsy, which is how I’ve come to think of you over the years. The Widow’s workshop is an excellent way for you to share what you’ve learned from losing Nelson.

  12. Thinking of you this weekend <3 Nelson would be so thrilled to see you've continued with this blog and all the opportunities it has brought you. Thank you for continuing to share your thoughts and your inspiring style with us!

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