Photo by Nelson
This afternoon we met with a nurse from hospice to initiate admission and to receive information about services. Nelson decidedly signed all forms presented. Our health care experience has radically shifted in that for the most part we will be seen in our home instead of a medical facility. At times this process feels surreal and our conversations have entered new territory. It’s comforting to know that we have a phone number to access an expert at any time, day or night. A safety net has been set in place and I can feel my anxiety decrease as we explore our fears and talk about solutions to possible crisis situations. However, I find myself forgetting things more frequently and at times I feel numb to the realities of this process. Disorganization has become common as projects pile up around the house and in my mind. I find it necessary to make lists, and then the location of the list becomes hidden. Compassion for myself seems the only answer; Nelson is my priority and I don’t need a list for that to be clear.
The intensity of the day was decreased as Nelson aimed the lens at The Style Crone. How can I feel anxious as he stands before me with a smile and the camera in hand? ‘Leopard Week’ continues in the form of furniture as accessory as though it were any other day in our long life together. The 50’s blond wood chair with leopard print fabric along with a leopard print pillow contrast with the vintage 40’s mustard quilted jacket in harmony with the moment. This familiar ritual which has unfolded since the launch of Style Crone gives us a period of time to smile at one other without a solemn or tragic thought. A playful energy that breaks through the overpowering sadness that floats through the heavy air that surrounds us.
love you! tanya
Thanks for allowing us to walk that painful walk with you. Hello to Nelson
I wish I could reach across the miles to give you a hug. Since I can’t, please know that my thoughts are with you both.
I know only too well some of the feelings you have articulated here. Despite the sometimes numbness and shock it is so important to value each moment. Glad to hear that anxiety is decreasing in some areas.
When all of this worked out, these photos and writings will stay as tribute to the love and laughter your romance is all about. Tell us what you need for now, how can we support you? You’ve engaged us in the journey. We are here for whole ride. Love to you both!
As Carolyn so aptly said, “what do you need from us?” We are all priviledged to follow you along on this journey.
Much love from England
I love you both dearly, even though we’ve never met. I third Carolyn’s kind thought: whenever it should occur to you, please tell us what we can give back to you in support. In the meantime, you must know that we all carry you both in our thoughts every day.
Compassion for myself seems the only answer; Nelson is my priority and I don’t need a list for that to be clear.
That you live your life with style and grace is abundantly clear. That you’ve got your priorities straight is elegantly shown. My love to you and Nelsen, as you bravely share a part of life that is painful, yet precious- as it reminds us how lucky love makes us, and how priceless life truly is. xo, dear SC! -Bella Q
the Citizen Rosebud
I love this picture — a good symbol of your relationship.
Hi Judith, I have been doing wedding things with my daughter all weekend so I just now read this…first of all, you look beautiful as always and that smile just for Nelson is contagious! I have walked through many times of difficulty with others and it is always described as being like walking in a fog or slow motion. Sometimes it seems that for a brief moment , time does stand still. I hope it will for both of you. Things on the list will be get done eventually or can wait…for him to be your list right now is what’s most important.
Thank you for being such an inspiration to the rest of us!
The shirt/jacket is just so lovely against the leopard upholstery. Be as kind to yourself as you are to Nelson.