This photo was taken by Nelson in our garden in August of last summer, eight months before I became a widow. It was a fun and glorious day as he viewed The SC through the lens in a vintage 20’s lace jacket with straw cloche trimmed with silk flowers. Even though he was in the midst of chemo, which was accessorized by stress and uncertainty, our lives together continued to grow and evolve, and there were many experiences filled with laughter and celebration.
What does it mean to be a widow? Wikipedia defines the term as, ‘ A woman who has lost her husband by death.’ But what does it mean in our culture other than a ‘role’ to be avoided? Searching the Internet, I accessed books, websites and other helpful information. I have devoured books and articles, made use of hospice resources, and received support which has helped me accept my feelings and responses. But what it means to me today is an ongoing painful and complex process which changes as each moment passes. At times it can be expressed verbally or by writing; sometimes it must be felt and experienced, an exploration of the internal. There are even times of creativity and hopeful reflection. The experience of becoming a widow is not intellectual, much deeper, and something I choose to go through, not around. I launched Style Crone as a blog about outfits, aging and cancer caregiving. No more ‘what to wear to chemo’ or ‘shoe xanax.’ It has become a blog about outfits, aging, grieving and transformation and I see now that it is organically evolving. Transformation is never comfortable and The SC wholeheartedly agrees.