Before leaving for Sedona, I received a message from a friend and former co-worker about the death of the wife of a mutual colleague from the past.  I put off the decision regarding my attendance at the memorial service until I returned from our trip.


When I woke up on the morning of the funeral, I knew that I wanted to attend.  And I’m glad that I did.  I remembered clearly how important and comforting it was for me during my winter of grief, to have people show up from different eras of my life at a time of overwhelming loss.


I reconnected with several co-workers from the past, as we expressed support and respect to the bereaved family.


Memorial services are more frequent in my life these days. It’s the reality of growing older and it doesn’t feel morbid or disturbing to me to think about it as people leave, and to write about it today.  It feels real.  To be closer to death intensifies life.


I usually wear black to a memorial service.  Self expression is important to me, no matter the event or situation.  My favorite vintage jacket has been worn during happy times and sad.  It has depth and can hold any feeling that I have, at any time.  The hat that I chose was my armor at my father’s funeral 20 years ago.

Perhaps I humanize my outfits.  They do feel like friends that accompany me wherever I go.  They provide good company and they make me feel incredibly and passionately alive.  For that I am grateful.


Photos By Daniel

Vintage Kokin hat – hat shop in the 80’s; vintage black jacket, vintage long white gloves with bows, vintage black pencil skirt, vintage jewelry and vintage clutch – estate sales, Fluevog boots – retail sale.

Linking up with Patti’s Visible Monday HERE, Catherine’s #iwillwearwhatilike HERE, and Cherie’s Shoe and Tell HERE.


  1. Judith…you look amazing!!!! Regardless of where you go, you choose the right outfit, you present the perfect image. I agree with you, having people from different times in our life be there when we grieve is a huge comfort. Thanks for sharing!!!

  2. Dear Judith…

    So elegant as always. It is so nice to see the honor you pay to your departed friend; your attire is so appropriate and superbly styled.

  3. Dear Judith, you bring up some very valuable points. Sometimes I go to a funeral after not being with that friend for many years and feel a little guilty for lapsed time, but every chapter of life, even if closed, should be honored. Also, clothes are comforting and very important especially in these eventful moments. You expressed it very well.

  4. To be closer to death intensifies life~ thank you for these words. I agree wholeheartedly. I am a singer and minister in this way at many funerals per month. My choice of apparel is intended to show my respect, provide me comfort, and is armor for the intensely personal/ emotional event I need to distance myself from in order to give my service. I sang for my dad’s funeral 18 months ago in one of the outfits he especially liked which gave me a special happiness and I never sang better. My condolences to you and your friend; I appreciate you not shying away from the difficult things.

  5. You are not only chic and beautiful but you are wise. Being closer to death really does intensify Life. Oh my yes. These days it seems that the only time I dress up is for weddings and funerals. Hmmm..must change that. To life!!

  6. I once thought many views of those aging, evolved out of giving up, knowing the inevitable. As I see my own views changing, it helps to have positive people like you showing different ways to look at things. You look beautiful and your words are beautiful and helpful. Peace! Cheryl

  7. What a lovely tribute to your friend(s). Aging is not to be feared but embraced and you are setting the example for all of us, thank you. I love your expression of “humanizing your clothes”. I( think) I do that also but never had a “name” for it. Thanks again for your post, you always somehow manage to post just what I need to hear at the time. Yours in love, Sheryl

  8. I used to go to weddings now memorial services are more frequent. Very elegant look. I like the way you have chosen the traditional black. I think it shows respect, so often these days the dress code can be quite casual.

  9. you are quite right its good to go and accept that death is natural – that acceptance makes one live every day (of whatever stripe) much more vividly.

    If we lived forever we would waste our time.

    You exemplify how one can grow old wonderfully – I like the white hair its terrific.

  10. I have to say that letting your hair go white has stepped up your game. You look amazingly classy. Ari Seth Cohen should include you with the women in his ADVANCED STYLE.

    I remember in my younger and very busy “mothering” days, wondering why my own mother still cared about how she looked at 89. I understand it now. I am just turning 67 and take great care with entire appearance. It just makes me feel better about myself and confident enough to get out there and mingle with the world.

    Having said that I take great comfort in knowing that I am closer to the end than the beginning. Even with life’s struggles its been a beautiful ride.

    More power to you 🙂


  11. Judith your choice of outfit for the funeral was not only elegant but showed such respect for the occasion, I agree with you on humanising our clothing as it expresses so much of us.

  12. Very moving as always. And I love how you dressed for this occasion. It shows true respect for the bereaved yet you are in a class all of your own staying true to yourself and your amazing style!

  13. Very emotional, and thank you for sharing this Judith. Both Sandy’s parents are failing and we know funerals are in the future. As they are for all of us! So I agree, it makes life sweeter in the moment. You look stunning and your silver hair is perfection. xox


  14. I think I humanize my clothing also! So glad to hear I am not the only one…You just get prettier and prettier, Judith. I think it helps many women to have this funeral discussion…though I know it is hard.

  15. What a wonderful post, thank you so much for this! I’m in love with your outfit think it’s just beautiful that you humanise your outfits, I think it’s how it should be with things you love. You look beautiful. Much love your way, Kirsten xx

    (P.S. And thank you so so much for your lovely words on my blog – they made my day!)

  16. “To be closer to death intensifies life.”

    How true, Judith. I think one needs to become friends with the concept of mortality and death in order to fully embrace and appreciate the value of life and all the adventures it holds xoxo

  17. Like you I’m in my seventies and have entered the age of saying goodbye to friends and family on a far too frequent a basis. I posted about a cousin’s memorial service just the other week and next week shall be attending the funeral of a friend. I always wear black to a funeral as a mark of respect unless joyful colours have been specifically requested and I wondered in my posting what customs other bloggers now observe. Your outfit is beautiful and it pleases me to think that certain items hold special meaning for you. (I garden in my father’s old socks and I know just what you mean!)
    A funeral service almost inevitably reminds you of earlier losses, but they are also so often quite happy occasions, a gathering of old friends and family with happy memories to share.

  18. My condolances dear Judith. You are right, the older you get, the more goodbyes. Such is life. Your approach is a very wise one.
    As for the outfit… I don’t know how you do it, but everytime you dress in vintage you look modern and a stunner. Gosh, even in mourning clothes my jaw drops. That jacket, those gloves, that hat…. perfect.

  19. I think as you get older, and as you say, closer to death, it does add an intensity to living, to try to squeeze as much out of the time we have left as possible. You always choose exactly the right outfit for every occasion, and this was no exception. Supreme elegance, and the unintentional (I assume) matching of the gloves and your hair is marvelous. XO

  20. Death is always around us, whether we talk about it or not. And funerals are a way to say goodbye, but also show support to those who are grieving. Of course you look wonderfully elegant, and I agree that clothes can hold precious and significant memories and associations. A sad time, but we can’t avoid those, can we? Xxx

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