Photo by Nelson
This afternoon we met with a nurse from hospice to initiate admission and to receive information about services. Nelson decidedly signed all forms presented. Our health care experience has radically shifted in that for the most part we will be seen in our home instead of a medical facility. At times this process feels surreal and our conversations have entered new territory. It’s comforting to know that we have a phone number to access an expert at any time, day or night. A safety net has been set in place and I can feel my anxiety decrease as we explore our fears and talk about solutions to possible crisis situations. However, I find myself forgetting things more frequently and at times I feel numb to the realities of this process. Disorganization has become common as projects pile up around the house and in my mind. I find it necessary to make lists, and then the location of the list becomes hidden. Compassion for myself seems the only answer; Nelson is my priority and I don’t need a list for that to be clear.
The intensity of the day was decreased as Nelson aimed the lens at The Style Crone. How can I feel anxious as he stands before me with a smile and the camera in hand? ‘Leopard Week’ continues in the form of furniture as accessory as though it were any other day in our long life together. The 50’s blond wood chair with leopard print fabric along with a leopard print pillow contrast with the vintage 40’s mustard quilted jacket in harmony with the moment. This familiar ritual which has unfolded since the launch of Style Crone gives us a period of time to smile at one other without a solemn or tragic thought. A playful energy that breaks through the overpowering sadness that floats through the heavy air that surrounds us.